Comparative faith

 Who says the Middle Ages were all dark? 

There was religious fervour 

Lots of exclusively male spiritual events 

With music or chanting 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kK5AohCMX0U

And we are just going through the same phase which is nearly happening a few hundred years later similar to gap between the start of it all 

https://youtu.be/-cicQ_wp02Q

The adolescent stage of religion 

Full of recklessness

Dangerous living 

Arguments with other who don’t get you 

Full knowledge and absolute conviction 

Acne

And some of the most wonderful art and songs

Autonomy

 It seems strange to others that this is the stumbling block

Not the security situation ever fragile

Not the financial situation so divided

Not the systems or lack thereof

No 

The concept of secrecy being the best medicine

The deeply engrained concept that knowledge leads to loss of hope

That if only loved ones are kept in the dark they will not give up 

And that in their ignorance hope remains alive

The vast majority of my medical career has been practiced where the reverse is hammered into our brains

We attend courses on how to do it

We observe seniors

And are observed and signed off before being let loose on patients alone

Autonomy is the goal

Knowledge is the only way to consent 

Consent the only route to treatment 

And only if discussed openly can wishes become the whole team's aims

I was the one who explained the scan to my mother

I was the one who translated medical jargon into steps and durations

"You can tell me, I will not break down don't worry" she told the consultant on the phone informing her that nothing could be done

We had four weeks 

We all dropped everything and moved in 

We screamed, shouted, cursed and cried 

There were nights of truths never previously spoken

And our relationship with each other will never be the same again 

But

As she lay on her bed with two daughters curled up on the ground on either side of her bed

She whispered "time to sleep girl"

And there is peace in knowing we knew she knew we were there because we wanted to be

Maybe in a few centuries

 I remember the events with such clarity

Thats what happens when you are shocked

I am walking along the crowded narrow side road in Shorja with my mother

I am 13 or 14 years old

Suddenly I am jolted by someone's hand pressed between my legs 

I am so taken by surprise that it takes a few seconds to actually register what has happened 

By the time I turn there is no-one there, it is too late and I later realise that I am never fast enough to actually see the person let alone do anything about it

Once I slap my arm around frantically after another episode and strike an older woman behind me, our eyes meet, I am bright red she nods and I know she understands but whoever it was slipped in and out of the crowd.

I start to avoid the entire area, and try to get out of going there

When there is no way out, I dress in the baggiest ugliest clothing I can find, including my father's oversized army sweaters

I take to carrying a large bag strategically positioned to completely cover my back from the waist down to the thighs (an only slightly less shocking grope was hands pressed into my waist or almost encircling it)

The last time I remember being manhandled was in the airport the last time I flew out of Baghdad, without my trusty bag and last in the family line I remember thinking the tall man had a strange look about him, but was too afraid that he was an official to say anything before settling into the flight knowing the groper was on board with us.

I try not to recall these memories

The behaviour of my male countrymen was one vital factor in the sense of being "home" when I eventually settled here, the first time I sat down in a coffee shop alone and relaxed knowing that what I was doing how I looked or dressed mattered not one bit to anyone else.

So why the resurfaced memory?

In the early hours of the morning of the 1st day of this year I picked up my 19year old daughter from a new year's eve party she had been to in London, and sensed she was seething

It took a while on the drive home for her to tell me what had happened that night, and at times before that

The leering, the comments, the drivers slowing down as she walked to school

Then the number of times she had swatted men's arms off her waist at parties, asking politely to be left alone, and then less politely if they persisted 

Tonight one of the offenders was on the receiving end of every single curse word she had learnt in her life in Arabic.....

After I calm down 

I try to rationalise to myself

At least she isn't being groped in the street in the daytime 

And she has the confidence I lacked to deal with it 

But that does nothing to the sinking feeling in my stomach...maybe in a few centuries's time....we will be safe